"made no less amazing by the fact that it's see-through..."

...see what had happened was...tbh i'm not in the greatest place, mentally (kind of an understatement) and I need to take some time...I might pop up around here at random, to post, but I won't be on im rly, so if you need to get at me, email or txt, but if i don't respond, don't take it personally.

"Unconcious and insane,
I spill sad energy everywhere.
My story gets told in various ways:
A romance...
A dirty joke.
                                
A war.

A vacancy."                            
rabbitt,

I need you.  I know we've both gone so far, been gone too long and forgotten the way home.
We have learned and loved and hurt and smiled.
We are blind with things we long to forget and wishing we could conjure up images of the memories we've lost.
I still believe in you.
We are both Wilde darlings~
There is too much music in my head and not enough talking.
Sometimes I don't know how I fit into these places.
I end up in strange lands, hardly remembering my feet moving, and the paths that took me there.  I could be able to fly and not even know it.


 

( i say we're not done, 'til you're giving up the ghost... )

Meme's I thiefed from dear ahorashiikagome
Time to go back to work~ *sigh*

( meme this way...no, rly, meme this way. )

I keep meaning to post here, and I keep failing.
*sigh*
it's been a crazy week @_@
i've had even less time than usual.
and the new job has been unbelievably stressful.
everyone keeps saying "hang in there it will get better,"
but that starts to lose it's charm around the 300th time I've heard it.
Things do seem to be on the path to improving some, though.
which is good b/c i'd hate to think I waited 2 months to get this job just to quit it having to start all over again.
here's hoping.
So I'm trying to stay positive.
I completely broke down on Tuesday night, and came in wednesday with a "step off" kind of attitude...
I'm only one person and I can't make this stuff life or death, despite the fact everyone around me seems desperate to do so.
eh.
that's life.


hopefully, too, i'll be able to do things like work on letters and crafty projects this weekend.
my brain really and truly needs the break.

I'd been hoping more than ever that this year would be a year of successes.
I feel static again.
The way this job is going I've had so little time to work out and study. *sigh*
I've been so exhausted and overwhelmed--time is getting away from me.
I'm no closer to some of the things I want.
I guess I'm not always very good at being patient.

i'll get there...
for now, back to work.
time goes by too fast~
just a little more to go...
looking forward to going home and cuddling the nyao-cats, picking up dinner from fire-bowl cafe, and watching hockey <3

<3

"He came like the wind. like the wind, touched everything.
and like the wind, was gone. "

RIP Robert Jordan. you are truly truly missed.

I can't believe it's been 2 years. ;_;

rabbitt,

I place a high price on my memories.
I try so hard to hold onto things.
That's the contradiction isn't it?
When you try to hold on, things are intentionally ripped from you.

You tell me:
"So many things really are out of your control...stop struggling."
Still, I can't bring myself to hold on too lightly--

Everything Changes.

Things are only going to get harder, right?

I wouldn't say I'm the biggest supporter of growing up...
certainly we've had our disagreements.
"Someday, these days, too, will be gone. only memories..."

We truly do live holding onto our feelings.

The air outside has shifted.
It smells like leaves and straw and apples.
I wonder if autumn is coming early this year.

Come here, old friend, let me whisper to you of how I've longed for your cool touch.
How I've missed your soft caress of my hair and cheek. 
The chilled kiss before the bite of winter.
I want to see your bursts of color.
Feel your long embrace.
Taste your bitter rain.

I will try not to get my hopes up.
I don't want to be left behind.
I don't want to forget.
I want to keep more than just some remembrance...
More than some distant, yet overwhelming feeling.

Some days it all seems like too much.
How we float thru life like fallen leaves...
At the mercy of the changing winds.

Beat down by the rains,
resting atop fresh snow,
clinging to the tree,
plucked by the hand of another...

how do you stand it, rabbitt?
this rampant running chance?

how do you stand the swirling activity?
how do you not mourn these disappearances?

where will we end up?

do you know the plans of the universe?
are you hiding some glimpse of the future,
while i mourn the loss of every single childhood?
and the most carefree of days...

and the annhilation of innocence.

I know what you are thinking.
someday, i will drown in this nostalgia.

Please tell me rabbitt, how can i not think everything, even the small things are not important?

"Beginnings come at random, but Endings always have meaning"

We have already lost so many things.
Even things we Loved.
The End is coming isn't it?
One more chapter to close into memory.
I come to Preservation just a little too late.
What am i going to do without you?
where is the strength that comes with being alone?

love,
mienai

 

"heavenly shades of night are falling..."

Admit something:

Everyone you see, you say to them, "Love me."

Of course you do not do this out loud, otherwise someone would call the cops.

Still, though, think about this, this great pull in us to connect.

Why not become the one who lives with a full moon in each eye

that is always saying,

with that sweet moon language,

what every other eye in this world is dying to hear?

--Hafiz

<3

"So leave me alone...
before
the strain
of listening to me
becomes more
than you can bear...
maybe this time,
we will be fine-
or else,
tomorrow
will be
lost..."


rabbitt,

sometimes going the wrong way is the right path.
we took the roundabout way, didn't we?

and now you are warm, and you know you have too much.
I don't mind carrying some of the burden for a while.
Don't worry about taking care of me.
I can look after you for once.
Is this that terrifying love we talked about?
I think maybe you just know me too well.

The truth is, that I don't know.
I don't know anyone's intentions.
I don't know if the game is honest.
I wonder if I've allowed a master player to distract me with simplicities.
I've found some peace,
but it's hard to steadily maintain this firm poker face.
I want to recklessly shout all of our secrets...

that would be unsafe.

I have to make allowances.

I want to believe we are more than just hearts
pulled by the tide...
endlessly dancing to the tune of the stars.

~i know your love is perfect~

but, please don't wake me...
maybe if I dream a little longer
these electric sounds will start to make sense.
There must be a message.
I think it's important.
I have missed you so much.

Everything takes on new meaning.
sounds better.
tastes better.

And yet it was fine before, wasn't it?
You know how I fear change...
but who can escape?
I never could run that fast.

these summer nights bathed in moonlight seem longer somehow...
maybe i misunderstood.
these droplets that stain our faces,
are they sweat or tears?

why do we have to choose?
perhaps we are the premonition of rain.

I promise to stand on my feet firmly.
it wouldn't do to be caught by the wind before the autumn
comes.
I long for another glimpse of silver eyes...
a dragonfly.
stealing my breath with a single smile-
gliding across the frozen water.
and yet,
we cannot stay here.

My wings are almost fully healed.
It feels natural to fly away.
To admire, to assist, from a distance.

I can't hide forever.
I can only hope to stand by, waiting it out.

This time is different.
i wanted a song bird.
"please sing, you have to sing..."
I'm sorry I thought to keep you in that cage with ribbons on the bars.

How can I cage something when I so desperately want to be free?

Even still, I realised you could've opened the door at any time.
I'm right back where I started.
I always wondered if I'd die young.

I can't stop staring at the sky.
it's the same star isn't it?

I can't let our hands interlock.
I can't let myself be touched by that careful pout.
You can't take care of me.

The other one was waiting there for me,
glowing pale, strong, still beautiful...
i wanted to call out to him-
I will always be too shy, won't i?
I'm afraid he won't remember--
those fingers which tangled effortlessly in my red-gold curls.

Graceful hand movements and colorful silk robes...
he didn't know i was a butterfly...

I thought everyone had forgotten.

But not you.

You wouldn't protect me from what i wanted.
You brought him to me,
wrapped in ivy.
I just wanted to take care of him.


But I'm not sure if I can.
you have to wake up.
your life feels so far along, but you're still dreaming.
"don't abandon me."

there are just so many birds.
maybe I can vanish in that flurry of blue and white wings.
retrace your steps.
see those places you once told me about.
I heard your lover died in your arms on a damp street

surrounded by towers and old things.

whispers.
"don't leave me."

sometimes going the right way is the wrong path.
perhaps i should disconnect.
i keep listening for morse code,
but
my head is filled with your radio silence.


love,
mienai

"In the sky
someone watches over me

You and I on this earth
with one moon circling"

*****


"cause I am like you say,
I'm a million times a day
I will bolt in like a storm
I'm the wish that keeps you going on
I'm addicted to your edge, climbed a mountain like you said
I'm gonna get into your head

I am like you too, that's a million times true
when you throw me like a stone
you're the one that keeps me moving on"