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~i will bolt in like a storm~

"So leave me alone...
the strain
of listening to me
becomes more
than you can bear...
maybe this time,
we will be fine-
or else,
will be


sometimes going the wrong way is the right path.
we took the roundabout way, didn't we?

and now you are warm, and you know you have too much.
I don't mind carrying some of the burden for a while.
Don't worry about taking care of me.
I can look after you for once.
Is this that terrifying love we talked about?
I think maybe you just know me too well.

The truth is, that I don't know.
I don't know anyone's intentions.
I don't know if the game is honest.
I wonder if I've allowed a master player to distract me with simplicities.
I've found some peace,
but it's hard to steadily maintain this firm poker face.
I want to recklessly shout all of our secrets...

that would be unsafe.

I have to make allowances.

I want to believe we are more than just hearts
pulled by the tide...
endlessly dancing to the tune of the stars.

~i know your love is perfect~

but, please don't wake me...
maybe if I dream a little longer
these electric sounds will start to make sense.
There must be a message.
I think it's important.
I have missed you so much.

Everything takes on new meaning.
sounds better.
tastes better.

And yet it was fine before, wasn't it?
You know how I fear change...
but who can escape?
I never could run that fast.

these summer nights bathed in moonlight seem longer somehow...
maybe i misunderstood.
these droplets that stain our faces,
are they sweat or tears?

why do we have to choose?
perhaps we are the premonition of rain.

I promise to stand on my feet firmly.
it wouldn't do to be caught by the wind before the autumn
I long for another glimpse of silver eyes...
a dragonfly.
stealing my breath with a single smile-
gliding across the frozen water.
and yet,
we cannot stay here.

My wings are almost fully healed.
It feels natural to fly away.
To admire, to assist, from a distance.

I can't hide forever.
I can only hope to stand by, waiting it out.

This time is different.
i wanted a song bird.
"please sing, you have to sing..."
I'm sorry I thought to keep you in that cage with ribbons on the bars.

How can I cage something when I so desperately want to be free?

Even still, I realised you could've opened the door at any time.
I'm right back where I started.
I always wondered if I'd die young.

I can't stop staring at the sky.
it's the same star isn't it?

I can't let our hands interlock.
I can't let myself be touched by that careful pout.
You can't take care of me.

The other one was waiting there for me,
glowing pale, strong, still beautiful...
i wanted to call out to him-
I will always be too shy, won't i?
I'm afraid he won't remember--
those fingers which tangled effortlessly in my red-gold curls.

Graceful hand movements and colorful silk robes...
he didn't know i was a butterfly...

I thought everyone had forgotten.

But not you.

You wouldn't protect me from what i wanted.
You brought him to me,
wrapped in ivy.
I just wanted to take care of him.

But I'm not sure if I can.
you have to wake up.
your life feels so far along, but you're still dreaming.
"don't abandon me."

there are just so many birds.
maybe I can vanish in that flurry of blue and white wings.
retrace your steps.
see those places you once told me about.
I heard your lover died in your arms on a damp street

surrounded by towers and old things.

"don't leave me."

sometimes going the right way is the wrong path.
perhaps i should disconnect.
i keep listening for morse code,
my head is filled with your radio silence.


"In the sky
someone watches over me

You and I on this earth
with one moon circling"


"cause I am like you say,
I'm a million times a day
I will bolt in like a storm
I'm the wish that keeps you going on
I'm addicted to your edge, climbed a mountain like you said
I'm gonna get into your head

I am like you too, that's a million times true
when you throw me like a stone
you're the one that keeps me moving on"

tired of being a butterfly~


Everyday I move closer to the source of your sadness.
Yet it sheds no light on your pain.
Smile, my invisible one--
so we will both be haunted.
I recognise that reflection in your eyes.
It's never good, is it?

Are your wings ready yet?
Fly, fly quickly.
Before you are discovered.

My love, you revealed your hand too soon, didn't you?
It's useless to say "you should have known better"
Your deeply-buried hope...I always thought it was adorably innocent.
But if you're not careful, it will bury you right along with it.

People don't know how to accept help.
They look so hard for the hook
kindness sneaks up on them.

Suddenly you are an enemy.

Your intentions don't matter.

How could you know?
You move so deftly in water, yet you are not a Fish.
Rippling in the sun,
those sparkling scales are fool's gold.

Perhaps it is there to teach you.
A private lesson.

Don't you believe you have learned so much already?

But not the inside. you are still locked out, surely and
peering inside a tiny window, privy to the faintest of glimmers.
Yet, you see, further,
When you should be looking away.

It is easy to get caught in tornadoes.
The prevailing wind sweeps you off your feet all too swiftly.
If you don't stop spinning, you will drown in that sweet rain.

There is still a world full of wonders, my love.
More full than you could ever imagine.
With plenty of people to love you,
to hold you,
to tell you secrets,
and still more to abandon you.

Fly away.
Ignore the wind that tears at your wings.
Avoid those swollen clouds.

yes, you should've known better.
Beauty is no excuse.
Neither is compassion.
Not knowing.
None of this matters.
Hide your heart.
Keep walking.

I know you must be so tired of being a butterfly.

I remember what you told me.
those revelations cling to your skin
like the scent of peppermint

Even with my eyes closed I can pick out your aura.

vivid colors...
a tear drop.
a sweat drop.



metal, wood.

violin strings.

you cannot stop dancing in time to the wind's melody.

you should know better.
let go.

overflowing love and gentleness,

"there's truth in the thunder
love in the lightning,
the feeling is frightening~
isn't it exciting?
i'm something like stormy weather,
if I weren't we'd never
huddle together...
do I have to tell you
that I'm also the sunlight,
that shines shortly after?
i just rain cause I have to-
on to a new chapter
i wish you lots of laughter
'til the next time you see me...
just remember you need me,

i'm the storm coming"

--Gnarls Barkley

"protect me from what i want"

"I spent some time around people,
but fidelity I neither saw nor smelled in them.
It’s better to conceal ourselves
from the eyes of the people,
like water in iron and fire in stone.”

--- Rumi

on the coast of a dream~


the rain has subsided.
I thought surely, surely, I’d be swept away by that torrid wind.
Even still I sat, rocking, singing to you.
I even foolishly hoped you’d come home.
It’s not just that I miss you, far away as you are.
Now the too-warm summer begins.
The tireless battle.

Who cast the first stone?
Perhaps I was less-than-wise to reach out even such a short distance.

My eyes, like the starry sky were so clouded.
Now, they will not focus.

Perhaps I’ve seen too many things.
Perhaps the cure is to see more.
Like the moon.

There are so many things we don’t know,
Even about the people we talk to everyday.

I started to appreciate love songs…
Maybe it has all just been a beautiful dream~

I wondered what you thought.
I’ll send a postcard.

People whirl in and out like dervishes in vivid colors…
What did you find in your spinning?
I become more and more pale.

Views change quickly.
I saw with my caged heart, a little.
It wasn’t what I thought,
And I ended up slightly surprised at your beauty.
I want to embrace you.
But I’m not there, yet.
I wonder if I ever will be.

Dragging my foots,
One after another.
Quickly, slowly.
Always, always looking for a way out.

You really weren’t what I expected.
You kept yourself hidden from me.

But still, there’s nothing to be done about it.

Let’s sit quietly,
Having great conversations with our eyes.

I can’t always find that mood.
Clearly, not everyone understands-
there are limits
even to freedom.

I hunt for silver eyes and pale feathers.
I see you sometimes in mountain and stream.
I live faerytales in moments.
I think we’re probably destined for meeting.
And parting.

Without speaking, we somehow take care of each other.
The things we are called link in the wind.

It doesn’t matter whether or not I need you.
That smile haunts me wherever I go.


each heartbeat which i am alive to kiss

note to self:
i plan to post some sort of "real" entry, soon.


here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) 
-ee cummings

no one, not even the rain has such small hands.

What hurts you, blesses you.
Darkness is your candle.
Your boundaries are your quest.

I can explain this, but it would break
the glass cover on your heart,
and there's no fixing that.

and love says...

"i will,i will take care of you," to everything that is near.


it would be good to see you again.

We could go far away from here and see the places that are calling my name with a sense of longing.
do you remember?

i started to wonder about faith.
about the intentions of people.

I'm almost scared to get close to you.
even you.
what have i turned into?
I never did mind being cold.

even on the sad days it felt...normal.
it felt safe.

every day this existence becomes more and more dangerous.
who will we hurt?
how will we be hurt?

wheels are already spinning.

i miss him, too.

i ran so quickly for
just one small taste of rain...

spring hasn't arrived yet,
winter hasn't left either.

i'm afraid summer will sneak up on me,
bringing unwanted things.

i have become so selfish.
you'd be disappointed in me.
i smile when other people smile.
i've stolen the heart of laughter.

i can no longer give you what you want.
i walked just a little further and was in another country completely.

i keep searching for wildly beautiful things.
and tear up at seeing
so many things i can't keep.

like you and me and that other one.
we belong to no one.
sending and receiving like little arrows.

oh i have changed.
you wouldn't recognise me on sight, now.

i can't make you happy.
i worry about how all of this will end.
why do some things hurt,
when others have no meaning?

should i worry
that the day is not far off that this thick skin becomes armor?

i follow, searching for beauty.
especially for my own.

somethings are bigger than others,
blood flows, but the wound is invisible...

sometimes, i'm exhausted.
and static.
i'm not sure of what's actually good for me.
a tiny breath~
i'm falling from the sky--
will i break?

i am journeying to the ocean of meanings...
perhaps i should feel more sorrow instead of just confusion.
or just feel more.
but i don't actually want that.
i'm hiding from the sun.

the ocean of meanings...
the garden...

i don't want to hurt you.
i will meet you there.

look for me.
i will be the painfully blooming flower,
covered in rain.


it's pretty close.

kagome took this and mentioned me in her post so i figured i'd try it. lol
the questions were kinda hard and didnt quite fit me, but, still kinda interesting (not too far off) XD

Your result for The New Greek Goddess Archetype Test...

You are Artemis!

The Goddess of the Hunt, Animals, and the Young

Artemis is driven to succeed, thriving in adventurous or unique situations. She sets her goals, and her ambition, determination, and perseverance lets her achieve them. Her competition sometimes intimidates others, but she is also widely admired. She is healthy, independent, believes in feminism, and needs little help to go after what she wants. On the other hand, she can be rebellious and isolate herself from relationships and emotions.

Take The New Greek Goddess Archetype Test
at HelloQuizzy


a happy accident.

buffalo was so good to me.

seeing everyone made my soul happy,
and i found so many old things.

i was happy to see aki as much as i did.

i wish i could've seen more of everyone.

the time was too short.

i got good hugs outta the deal tho ^_~

i went skating~it hurt my feet but i was doing pretty good at the end ^o^

ahh, tim hortons<33333.  that's all i need to say, really.

i'm sorry for those i didn't get to see...:(

but i got to see some people and hear some things i didn't expect. (robots! and pianos <3 oh how i envy your simple hands.)

everything was delicious. 

yesterday i suddenly had a long conversation with mr. richmond. :D
it's been too long. 
he was always one of my favorite people and it made me feel happy and grateful.
he was always looking out for me, and he gives out kindness without preamble.
he doesn't exprect anything either.  lovely~

he and i are so much alike.
i was very surprised.

today i got a fortune cookie that said "you have a friendly heart and are well admired."
well, erm...thanks, universe.  XD

aki: i started thinking of that sushi chef at kuni's the other day, then i thought of you and started laughing on the train in the middle of everyone <3

makochan: i think there are squirrels in the attic. monkey!

michikochan: omg, the lead singer of abs is tmr! gasp!

i brought back tim horton's coffee, which is now nhat's version of crack.
i want to see coraline.
i'm most of the way thru the first dark tower...we'll see how far i get before i reread something else. XD

i have my kokonoka stuff <3 writing materials ftw. 
here's to a someday-completed story.
menuki, how i've missed you my dear.
i can't wait to start.

also.  im thinking of drawing more.

i love music. more. i'm a bit lost.

upon coming back, i learned some things.  how should i feel?

the universe presented me a small opportunity.  i didn't take it.
it's probably for the best.

looking thru old photos made me smile though I was a bit sad.
Hans' light was so brilliant, and everyone was more innocent.
those days were so free and easy.
phil was so pretty back then...
when i see him now i almost want to be angry with him for wasting that beauty.
i mourn it.
if i could give you back your innocence, i would.  in a second, without question.
even if you misunderstand my kindness, i only ever wanted you to succeed.

adventure cards and comics looks like a wilting plant.
i wonder if it will be put out of it's misery.
people grow up too fast. others stay the same, even if unseen.

in some ways i felt so at home, being back, but underlyingly, i was still a visitor.
maybe i've gotten a little too used to the differences.

reading rumi and hafiz again.  somehow thief of sleep and the gift got lost so ill have to rebuy them.
super soul nourishment.

thats all i can say here, now.

"When will we disappear into the days’ design?
Ever being, always seeing, never dying...
Like a random rain cloud that passes the sky...
Just moving on..."

sou kana, sono koto nai yo~

~suki dakara suki~

oh, dragonfly~
i can't shake you
you land softly on my shoulder,
but when you lightly fly away,
your heavy spirit remains....

floating emptily on the wind,
I long for wings like yours~

they say it will fade,
this stunned memory of our collision
but if it means I'll forget,
maybe I'd rather keep hurting~

I want to see you.

A clear path is deceiving
Even tho I can see you closely
when I reach out I still strike solid glass
unable to break through~
a blue light inside of me glows fiercely,
refusing to be ignored.

walking slowly on rocky ground
i envy your graceful speed
the ease with which you dance upon water

I like you because I like you
I don't need a better reason.


~i wrote this a while ago.
nothing much has changed.~

sometimes you wonder if people are who you think they are.
it's easy to deceive yourself, isn't it?
i could be wrong in other ways.
a small glimpse of you.
you could really be who i thought you were, after all.
do you know what you want, at least?

for once i do, actually.  i really do.

lend me some of your loveliness.
i want to be near you.
just close.

every moment is full of things you don't expect.
you're smarter than me, so I want to ask you something...
beauty fades. memory fades.

please tell me,
what lasts forever?

thanks for being kind to me.