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you know where to find me...

"Heart, Lungs, Soul, arteries and all...shoulder at the ready, vital organs on call."

Busy time busy life.
I keep meaning to update here, there and everywhere.

Failing a little bit each time.

Even though I am years into it, some part of me still doesn't (and never will, i'd guess) believe I am an adult.
But I am.

I have so many ideas and interests and projects, but so little time to do, and grow and entertain them.

Amateur photography - thousands of pictures to sort thru (from a myriad of locations), and edit in Lightroom and PS.  Print more Postcards, prints and Greeting cards of my work to send and sell.

Puribooks - Still have to finish the last of my purikura books, and since Q club is now closed, it seems it may be back to puricute for these.  These were so therapeutic, and I miss them.  Plus, stickers! and instax <3 Maybe I'll post the scans here.
I have to finish the scans too.

Photobooks - I have countless instax and regular photos to make into memory books ranging back to dec 2012 - gouchan's visit, my buffalo visits, mako-chan's visit...seeing liese and kris...misc fun times.
I did draw hello kitty as godzilla and am working on the denver skyline and chibi gou and bunni in much adventure for the gouchan visit one (Gonna draw chibi me as princess peach! mario! sonic! pacman! <3) but no eta on getting down to business on it, and no forseeable date on finishing it.
plus cool effect ideas (embossing) and nice letter art for the buffalo 2012 one.

So much has changed and flown up since then.  Lots of bird wings fluttering.  So many colours. Feathers in all directions.

Trying to get (back) into art journaling and just journaling in general.  Only about 10% successful (but that's something!). Working on mixed media, collage, watercolor...

ephemeral art projects - got a bunch of these half done, on hiatus with no foreseeable complete date.  Sad.  The crash of my netbook last year means I have to do the story work all over again.  :/

Epistolary novel titled "Address Undeliverable"
Working on this in fits and starts.  Story is building more in my head every day...art for it will have to wait.  Considering that I am also building my skills, that's probably a good thing.

Kokonoka - still my baby <3  Missing her and wanting to work on her more and more.  Would still love it to be a manga, but am currently working to put it as a series of novels regardless. Crimson Star will follow.

As Yet Untitled Fantasy Novel - Playing in someone else's sandbox...took it on as a primer to write...did help until life interfered.  Would def love to finish it.

Postcrossing and Pen Pals - really loved this, and want to get back into it.  Need to make time.  I super recommend postcrossing to anyone who loves to travel and has time for writing postcards.

Scrapbooks for Vietnam and Hawaii - was really pleased with the one i did for my dad and stepmum's wedding.  They are nice and relaxing to do and make a great memory of big trips.

Memory Book for my dearly departed maman - I miss that kitty and I can't believe it's been 3 years. I have so many pictures and memories I need a place for.  Loved her so much.

Willow and Wall-e adventures - random Idea I had for drawing practice - my current two furballs of love in little silly comic adventures. Because, cats <3

Still drawing manga! at random times! in random places!  Was doing well with getting back into it for a while, then...less and less.  Still on the top of tops list to do and get better at.  forever and ever.

Le Petit Prince Shadowboxes - Already have most (probably all) of the materials, just need to make this a reality.  Actually excited to work on this, truly adore the book, but it's far down the list.

Japanese Calligraphy - Really fallen off with this T_T I miss it.  Want to also integrate it with chinese brush watercolor.  Learning. Do play occasionally on work notes and practice sheets.

Hand Lettering - will be able to work this into photobooks and comics for practice.  Been doing some on letters.  Have a class waiting for me for a larger project on skillshare.  Need.more.hours. in a day.

Handmade cards - falls in with ephemeral art, but is outside the projects, winter and autumn mostly, some for rumi quotes I heart, some to sell.

Poetry/Lyrics - Miss this too, long road to get back.  Bits and pieces.  Doesn't flow like it used to.  Oh life, how you have changed me.

Piano - writing music has slowed to less than a dribble, but I am still working on learning Belladonna no Wana (
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3Xc-ZjCL5c).  Despite the inconsistency of going to lessons and practice, the progress on this is pretty impressive to me...Recital this year is unlikely, but possibly next :)  Was learning Blue (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvN3iMbXIk0) and got halfway thru, but needed a break.  The complexity of it is pretty big.

Not specifically creative but want to tackle 101 things in 1001 days at some point.  Will likely have tons of creative projects on it.
(maybe I have too many interests/hobbies ^_^/;;;)

August has already been crazy and will only get busier.
Doctor's appointments (need xrays on my wonky elbow), unexpected vet visits (poor wall-e ;-; ), acclimating the cats, fitness regimen (swimming, walking, piyo, pilates) looking for apartments, packing to move...

At the end of August, Daniel's brother is getting married and we have to fly to DC for a whirlwind few days (Including meeting up with Kagome ^o^~<3)  His uncle is also visiting before.  Still working every day, sometimes more than 8 hours. Commuting (though I do love working downtown). yay.

Then by end of September, my lease is up (I will miss my apartment so much T_T)...and Daniel and I will be moving in together.
Hoping for something in Glendale, or Denver or the Baker Neighbourhood(s)...plus 4 cats! all in one place!
Giant steps are giant.  Scary...but being a grown up is scary.  Emotional, Nostalgic...words I can’t muster.

He's been living here a year now, and by then we will have been together almost 2 years, and known each other like 13 or 14. (how did it get so late so soon?)

It will be nice to still have my own space (a craft/art room!), and to decorate the space (alice! tree collage! black and white photos! old buffalo prints! Liese and Kris art! copious amounts of books and bookcases! bunnies!)

It should hopefully make things easier and a little less hectic too.

That being said, I will be glad when it's October, and we're settling in, and next all we have to look forward to is heading home to Buffalo and seeing everyone in November.

Next year! London! (or possibly Prague).

Memories float in and out, ashes and dandelion puffs, burst of blossoms, rainbows.
I remember. And I long and I miss, and there are many many things.
Childhood hides so well, that pieces fall away.
raindrops. clouds.
thunder. lightening.

I dance.

Keep looking up.

People, too.
So many years, so many things.
how far we've come. ignoring completely time and distance.
we've grown up.

So many steps have brought me here, and you there.
I remember the feel of the cold wind of autumn, the frantic chaos of summer, the silent peace and wonder of winter, the crystalline drops of spring.
I remember our naiveté and our competition and our longing to be great and do greater.

I remember saying farewell to you then, as that woman sang out into the universe, and I sang along with her.

Her songs are still in my closed heart. protected, everyday.

Places, smells, the haze and low light of autumn comes now.
replacing the desperate heat of summer.
I remember that music.
The drifting song brings me right back to that moment.

In a life like this, so many moments.
Ever moving onward.
I weep for these things left behind.
I revere them.
I abandon them
I hold them so close.

Enough rambling.
Stay playful kittens.
Not even sure who is still here.  See you in another year (maybe less, maybe more.)

everyday is so busybusy.


RIP Robin Williams.
My heart will miss you.
The child I was will miss you ever more.

"be still with me -
if you want to be alone
if you'd rather die than tell,
you know, where i'll be
where to find me.
for hard talk.
to call it off, or bring it on...a proposal,

if you're broken
i'll be here...i'll be here.

"made no less amazing by the fact that it's see-through..."

...see what had happened was...tbh i'm not in the greatest place, mentally (kind of an understatement) and I need to take some time...I might pop up around here at random, to post, but I won't be on im rly, so if you need to get at me, email or txt, but if i don't respond, don't take it personally.

everywhere is falling everywhere

"Unconcious and insane,
I spill sad energy everywhere.
My story gets told in various ways:
A romance...
A dirty joke.
A war.

A vacancy."                            

I need you.  I know we've both gone so far, been gone too long and forgotten the way home.
We have learned and loved and hurt and smiled.
We are blind with things we long to forget and wishing we could conjure up images of the memories we've lost.
I still believe in you.
We are both Wilde darlings~
There is too much music in my head and not enough talking.
Sometimes I don't know how I fit into these places.
I end up in strange lands, hardly remembering my feet moving, and the paths that took me there.  I could be able to fly and not even know it.


i say we're not done, 'til you're giving up the ghost...Collapse )
Meme's I thiefed from dear ahorashiikagome
Time to go back to work~ *sigh*

meme this way...no, rly, meme this way.Collapse )

see what you made me do?

I keep meaning to post here, and I keep failing.
it's been a crazy week @_@
i've had even less time than usual.
and the new job has been unbelievably stressful.
everyone keeps saying "hang in there it will get better,"
but that starts to lose it's charm around the 300th time I've heard it.
Things do seem to be on the path to improving some, though.
which is good b/c i'd hate to think I waited 2 months to get this job just to quit it having to start all over again.
here's hoping.
So I'm trying to stay positive.
I completely broke down on Tuesday night, and came in wednesday with a "step off" kind of attitude...
I'm only one person and I can't make this stuff life or death, despite the fact everyone around me seems desperate to do so.
that's life.

hopefully, too, i'll be able to do things like work on letters and crafty projects this weekend.
my brain really and truly needs the break.

I'd been hoping more than ever that this year would be a year of successes.
I feel static again.
The way this job is going I've had so little time to work out and study. *sigh*
I've been so exhausted and overwhelmed--time is getting away from me.
I'm no closer to some of the things I want.
I guess I'm not always very good at being patient.

i'll get there...
for now, back to work.
time goes by too fast~
just a little more to go...
looking forward to going home and cuddling the nyao-cats, picking up dinner from fire-bowl cafe, and watching hockey <3

some wild darling

I realize that the dawn
when we'll meet again
will never break,

so I give it up,
little by little, this love.

But something in me laughs
as I say this, someone

shaking his head and chuckling

Hardly, hardly...


"I really can't stay..."
"But baby, it's cold outside..."

come one, come all~

the Dragon and the Gleeman

"He came like the wind. like the wind, touched everything.
and like the wind, was gone. "

RIP Robert Jordan. you are truly truly missed.

I can't believe it's been 2 years. ;_;

all farewells are sudden


I place a high price on my memories.
I try so hard to hold onto things.
That's the contradiction isn't it?
When you try to hold on, things are intentionally ripped from you.

You tell me:
"So many things really are out of your control...stop struggling."
Still, I can't bring myself to hold on too lightly--

Everything Changes.

Things are only going to get harder, right?

I wouldn't say I'm the biggest supporter of growing up...
certainly we've had our disagreements.
"Someday, these days, too, will be gone. only memories..."

We truly do live holding onto our feelings.

The air outside has shifted.
It smells like leaves and straw and apples.
I wonder if autumn is coming early this year.

Come here, old friend, let me whisper to you of how I've longed for your cool touch.
How I've missed your soft caress of my hair and cheek. 
The chilled kiss before the bite of winter.
I want to see your bursts of color.
Feel your long embrace.
Taste your bitter rain.

I will try not to get my hopes up.
I don't want to be left behind.
I don't want to forget.
I want to keep more than just some remembrance...
More than some distant, yet overwhelming feeling.

Some days it all seems like too much.
How we float thru life like fallen leaves...
At the mercy of the changing winds.

Beat down by the rains,
resting atop fresh snow,
clinging to the tree,
plucked by the hand of another...

how do you stand it, rabbitt?
this rampant running chance?

how do you stand the swirling activity?
how do you not mourn these disappearances?

where will we end up?

do you know the plans of the universe?
are you hiding some glimpse of the future,
while i mourn the loss of every single childhood?
and the most carefree of days...

and the annhilation of innocence.

I know what you are thinking.
someday, i will drown in this nostalgia.

Please tell me rabbitt, how can i not think everything, even the small things are not important?

"Beginnings come at random, but Endings always have meaning"

We have already lost so many things.
Even things we Loved.
The End is coming isn't it?
One more chapter to close into memory.
I come to Preservation just a little too late.
What am i going to do without you?
where is the strength that comes with being alone?



"heavenly shades of night are falling..."

with that moon language

Admit something:

Everyone you see, you say to them, "Love me."

Of course you do not do this out loud, otherwise someone would call the cops.

Still, though, think about this, this great pull in us to connect.

Why not become the one who lives with a full moon in each eye

that is always saying,

with that sweet moon language,

what every other eye in this world is dying to hear?